The Evolution of the CyberCactvs©
- CACTVS is maybe some progress for chemistry, but it is
not organic and safely degradable (software rot excluded). At the
present state, the full system should be considered
a serious danger to the health of the unsuspecting
immature user who has never been exposed to the danger of
being hit by a core dumping from hitherto unreached
heights. It should be
like mother nature: self-sustaining, easily understandable
and simply pleasureable, like
the innocent flowering cactvs below.
Figure 1: Innocent flowering cactvs.
- The cactvs may have been innocent, but it did not save
it from being subjected to a radical genetic engineering
programme in an attempt to implement our system with a truely
novel (albeit not Motif-compatible) GUI on
absolutely revolutionary hardware.
Some may consider it a serious and unethical
abuse, but we
kindly asked the most cooperative plant, describing clearly and at length the
procedures and risks as well as the potential
benefits of our experiment. It did not utter any protest, but rather seemed
to emanate an aura of silent, nearly enthusiastic approval.
It showed to be a really good listener.
We really appreciate
this kind of support.
Figure2: Evidence: Cactvs is vigorously nodding with calyx after
being put on the laboratory bench not too carefully.
Interpreted as consent by research group.
- The experiment commenced with a series of electronic
stimulation pulse sequences, transferring the superior
chemical knowledge base of CACTVS directly from
the arcane, undocumented program sources into the dumb but
of the cactvs which only knows about
primitve things such as photosynthesis, but nothing about PVC
or sulfuric acid production.
We are not sure if this somewhat carelessly executed
procedure has resulted in an information
In response to the treatment, the cactvs unfortunately
lost its flower, a symptom whose meaning
is yet lacking scrupulous in-depth analysis. However,
it did not shrivel, discolor, ooze, smoke, foam, glow,
explode, decompose, whine, complain, sue
or show any other revolting signs of distress.
Figure 3: Cactvs smiling cheerfully in training and conditioning phase.
- The next step aimed at recuperation
after the stress of learning involved injection of massive doses
of vitamins, enzymes, low-cholesterol holy water, silicon (doped with Clenbuterol and
other hormones), supported by electromagnetic field
stimulation (from rotating disk drives) and X-ray
bombardement (from CRT tubes of our personal workstations).
All progress was closely monitored.
The influence of nutrients and mutagenic factors yielded
an unexpectantly quick success and more than full restoration
Figure 4: Evidence: Cactvs flowering again with interface transplant.
- The cactvs soon (time between photographs: about 10 minutes)
flowered again. It even substituted plant
tissue by much more rugged and durable coaxial cable, proving
beyond reasonable doubt that the
plant-computer interface grafts have been fully integrated
into the metabolism. We therefore proudly present the
first CyberCactvs© to the shocked
scientific community. It is the first plant-computer hybrid
cyborg which ever existed on this world.
It is posed to wrestle chemistry as science and profession
from the hands of unsuspecting and no longer
competitive chemists and engineers, wrecking desaster
on the economies of the world. Morbid,
but most interesting, fascinating and an interlectual challenge,
and thats reason enough.
Patents pending for all
conceivable and inconceivable applications, but we
are of course not responsible (like always) for any
foreseen and unforeseen consequences. Seeds are available
on request free of charge for trustworthy scientific institutions.
Figure 5: The mad scientist in his greenhouse (shot at secret location)
Just to be sure there are no misunderstandings:
Of course, this is a satire!!!
'Mr. GUI' just had a cactus plant flowering on the window frame in his room
is developing a program system called CACTVS, and ideas were born.
We did not intentionally mutilate the flower. It just fell off.
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