The Evolution of the CyberCactvs^©

• CACTVS is maybe some progress for chemistry, but it is not organic and safely degradable (software rot excluded). At the present state, the full system should be considered a serious danger to the health of the unsuspecting immature user who has never been exposed to the danger of being hit by a core dumping from hitherto unreached heights. It should be like mother nature: self-sustaining, easily understandable and simply pleasureable, like the innocent flowering cactvs below.

  

  Figure 1: Innocent flowering cactvs.

• The cactvs may have been innocent, but it did not save it from being subjected to a radical genetic engineering and electrostimulation programme in an attempt to implement our system with a truely novel (albeit not Motif-compatible) GUI on absolutely revolutionary hardware. Some may consider it a serious and unethical abuse, but we kindly asked the most cooperative plant, describing clearly and at length the procedures and risks as well as the potential benefits of our experiment. It did not utter any protest, but rather seemed to emanate an aura of silent, nearly enthusiastic approval. It showed to be a really good listener. We really appreciate this kind of support.

  

  Figure2: Evidence: Cactvs is vigorously nodding with calyx after being put on the laboratory bench not too carefully. Interpreted as consent by research group.

• The experiment commenced with a series of electronic stimulation pulse sequences, transferring the superior chemical knowledge base of CACTVS directly from the arcane, undocumented program sources into the dumb but receptive bulb of the cactvs which only knows about primitve things such as photosynthesis, but nothing about PVC or sulfuric acid production. We are not sure if this somewhat carelessly executed procedure has resulted in an information overload status. In response to the treatment, the cactvs unfortunately lost its flower, a symptom whose meaning is yet lacking scrupulous in-depth analysis. However, it did not shrivel, discolor, ooze, smoke, foam, glow, explode, decompose, whine, complain, sue or show any other revolting signs of distress.

  

  Figure 3: Cactvs smiling cheerfully in training and conditioning phase.

• The next step aimed at recuperation after the stress of learning involved injection of massive doses of vitamins, enzymes, low-cholesterol holy water, silicon (doped with Clenbuterol and other hormones), supported by electromagnetic field stimulation (from rotating disk drives) and X-ray bombardement (from CRT tubes of our personal workstations). All progress was closely monitored. The influence of nutrients and mutagenic factors yielded an unexpectantly quick success and more than full restoration of vigour.

  

  Figure 4: Evidence: Cactvs flowering again with interface transplant.

• The cactvs soon (time between photographs: about 10 minutes) flowered again. It even substituted plant tissue by much more rugged and durable coaxial cable, proving beyond reasonable doubt that the plant-computer interface grafts have been fully integrated into the metabolism. We therefore proudly present the first CyberCactvs^© to the shocked scientific community. It is the first plant-computer hybrid cyborg which ever existed on this world. It is posed to wrestle chemistry as science and profession from the hands of unsuspecting and no longer competitive chemists and engineers, wrecking desaster on the economies of the world. Morbid, but most interesting, fascinating and an interlectual challenge, and thats reason enough. Patents pending for all conceivable and inconceivable applications, but we are of course not responsible (like always) for any foreseen and unforeseen consequences. Seeds are available on request free of charge for trustworthy scientific institutions.

  

  Figure 5: The mad scientist in his greenhouse (shot at secret location)

Just to be sure there are no misunderstandings: Of course, this is a satire!!!

Ralf Fick 'Mr. GUI' just had a cactus plant flowering on the window frame in his room in the university, and Wolf-D. Ihlenfeldt is developing a program system called CACTVS, and ideas were born. We did not intentionally mutilate the flower. It just fell off.

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